Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
