I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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