she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
