i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
