My room smells like vodka and shame
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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