So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
