we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
