It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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