FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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