Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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