Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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