smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
