This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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