proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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