I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
