Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
not ubering you a puppy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
