Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
