My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
