i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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