I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
