Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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