Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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