I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
