The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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