Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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