I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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