i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
