alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
