so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
