their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize