I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
