I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
