The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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