break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
