She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
