So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
