i already hear my dad disowning me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
