Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
