It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
