bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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