What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
