Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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