Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
even my farts smell like vagina
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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