Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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