I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I want is dick and wine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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