His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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