i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
