just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
