a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
