You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
