At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
