Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
