my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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