thus making me awesome and them whores
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
its liver damage thursday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
