yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
