We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
