based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
