I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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