i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
pray to the hookup gods
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
