i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
