I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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