but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
