I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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