what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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