I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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