the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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