my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
